Some usher in a new year bittersweet.
Some usher in a new year with hope.
Some usher in a new year with quiet reflection.
Some usher in a new year with promises of change.
I've never been big on resolutions. Those unattainable dreams that wreak havoc on my conscience when I blow it. I figure life is crazy hard as it is and I don't need to add unreasonable expectations like I'm never going to yell at my children again.
Like I will always put the laundry away immediately after I fold it.
Like I will pledge to make a homemade dinner every night of the week.
Like I will clean my house from top to bottom every week.
Like I will resolve to never having piles of clutter and will put everything away in its place.
Like I will exercise everyday and never eat sugar again.
Like I will never bite my nails again and I will always go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Trying to keep my resolutions only means I will strive and stress and suffer because I am but a mere mortal. I have made resolutions before. And I have broken them always. For me, my resolutions last anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes.
Unless a resolution is spoken into your heart from the heart of God it doesn't have staying power.
I cannot change me. Sure I can strive and try and work harder and live with guilt and regret. I can exert untold amounts of effort in order to achieve a very small improvement, but at the end of the day, I will only be more tired and unchanged. I will break my resolution and when I do, I will be sorry and sad and I will beat myself up hard and deny myself the only thing that probably my tired soul needs: grace.
Only Jesus can change me and He starts by transforming me. Transformation is the only thing that really leads to true change. And when I mess us, because it's certain I will, there's grace to cover me and Jesus to pick me up and the Holy Spirit to guide me.
And the thing is, the resolutions I would choose for me are but superficial band aids on very deep holes in my heart. They are but symptoms of a heart issue, a soul issue. And sure if I fixed all those things, it would look good. But it wouldn't be real. It wouldn't be true. It would be fleeting and fickle. And chances are when I fell off that pedestal, it would hurt like the dickens and I would be worse for it. And those holes and wounds and broken places in my heart would be bigger and deeper.
I'm thinking that this year, the only thing I really want is more of Jesus. More of Him and less of me. More of His grace and less of my criticism. More of His love and less of my judgment. More of His heart and less of mine.
How can a soul go wrong by wanting more of Jesus? Everything else will pale in comparison and all those other things that look faulty in my life will be put into perspective and will be shuffled into the place and the spot they need to go. And by default, all those other things will be changed because my heart will be being transformed by the One who calls me beloved.
Grace always Rises,
Jamie
"More of Him and less of me. More of His grace and less of my criticism. More of His love and less of my judgment. More of His heart and less of mine."
ReplyDeleteI want that, too!