Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What to do when life rains all over

You know that saying:
When it rains it pours.

 
Yep, I'm totally there this week.
It's raining and it's pouring and I'm waiting for the old man to snore.
Fat chance.
 
I'm pushing hard into Jesus this week. Because it matters more than my rain.
 
It started Saturday night when I felt that nose thing and the skin thing and the overall feeling of malaise take over.
And then it was Sunday and the husband was working on the roof (yes, still!) which left me to tote the three little people to church.
 
And then I was scheduled to work in the nursery and I had 8 kids by myself and it seemed they were all having issues. Of the screaming kind. Including me. (me not so much screaming though--just to clarify). And I pushed hard into Jesus, trusting, leaning. Because it matters more than my rain.
 
And then it was Monday. My alarm went off and I cringed a little because the skin was hurting and the nose and the body. And it's finals week so it's not like I can call in sick this week. It's not like I can throw my hands up and call it good. It's the end and I have to finish well. And on this morning, it seemed like a lot. I may have even told my last class of seniors that I felt horrible and that I didn't really care about their grade problems or drama problems because I felt that badly. Who does that?
Sick people. That's who.
Sad.
But I finished. It wasn't pretty, mind you, but I finished.
I pressed hard into Strength even though it was pouring.
 
So this morning I wake up and the nose is a little better and the skin not so sensitive, but I have a cough and it hurts to talk and I'm a teacher and that's what I do for a living and may I just say ugh.
 
So off I go to contaminate the world with my germs. Sorry world.
But still pushing hard, leaning hard into Jesus. Because it matters more than my pouring rain. He matters more.
 
And I do pretty well. Not contaminating, but holding my pieces together, trusting Jesus for enough to get through the day, being semi-productive, slowly but steadily forging my way through the stack of essays on my desk. I even apologize to my last class of the day for my heartless, unmerciful statement the day before and that today, I might care about their problems just a smidge. They sometimes think I've lost my mind, so they grant me grace.
 
My phone rings. It's the preschool where the twins go.
"Kadence just threw up."
Awesome.
Her timing...impeccable. Truly comedic in all its brilliance.
And I felt like crying. And laughing.
 
But what can you do but keep going. Take one more step. Trust for one more breath. For one more moment when the body is weak and frail and the soul is bone deep weary.
So I leaned hard. Muttered "Jesus is in control. Jesus is in control," like a mantra under my breath.
Pressing into the heart of Jesus, into the healing grace of Jesus even as the rain pours and it seems like too much in a season already full of too much and too many one more things that seem to make the straw that broke the camel's back look small by comparison.
In my eyes anyway.

And so we go home, the sick little girl and I, to wallow in our sickness together.
We take naps and go to pick up the other two from school.
Kadence is a jabber-jaw...words flying every which way. Feeling better??
So, I venture a quick trip to Target.

More rain.
Apparently, she was not feeling better and emphatically threw up in the car,
literally as we pull into the Target parking lot.
And for the second time today, I felt like crying. And laughing. Because really it's like watching a comedy/tragedy play out in real life.

What to do???
I know, you are all probably saying...ummm...go home.
Ok, so here's the thing...I live 20 minutes from Target. I needed pull-ups like tonight. And I'm still feeling pretty crummy so I'm not going back later.
And she's sitting with a blanket of throw up in her lap. I have to stop anyway.

Sweet Kadence says, "Mama, we can still go to Target right?"
Decision made.
10 minutes--in and out.
She takes another blanket in case she needs to throw up again.
We all wash our hands in the bathroom.
New shirt for the throw up girl.
Pull ups.
And a sense of relief that we made it through the store without incident.

It's pouring today. And that's okay. Because there's still grace, always grace. A whole lotta grace. And it has my name on it. And I'm pressing, leaning, crawling hard into the lap of Grace to sit in it. To soak in Him, to be in His presence, to let Him love me because I know that's more important than the rain. He can control the rain. What He wants is my attention. My heart. My broken. This week, I need Him more than I need air. I. need. Him. And He's got me. And the rain can fall and the storm can wail, and I'll just sit here curled up under His wing and trust Him to battle the storm for me. And tomorrow is a new day. Maybe it will still be raining. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. I've got Grace.

Grace always Rises,
Jamie
 
 

1 comment:

  1. Sorry you're not feeling well! It's been one of those kind of weeks for me, too. Here's to hoping the sun comes out tomorrow!

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